1 Corinthians 7:32-40 (NLT) 32 I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. 33 But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. 34 His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible. 36 But if a man thinks that he’s treating his fiancée improperly and will inevitably give in to his passion, let him marry her as he wishes. It is not a sin. 37 But if he has decided firmly not to marry and there is no urgency and he can control his passion, he does well not to marry. 38 So the person who marries his fiancée does well, and the person who doesn’t marry does even better. 39 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord. 40 But in my opinion it would be better for her to stay single, and I think I am giving you counsel from God’s Spirit when I say this”

Dear Diary..

In the age of social media, the spirit of comparison is overwhelmingly prevalent. The majority of this generation spends almost 8 of hours or more daily online. People are following, attempting to keep up with and analyzing the lives of others; “I want her life,” “how did he afford that new car,” “she has no fat on her body,” and “they have the perfect relationship.” There are very few in this generation, who do not buy into the hype of social media and the false truths that are perpetuated online. One of the trends highlighted online is the sharing of romantic relationships and the illusion of “perfect” relationships. This leaves men and especially young women to believe that when they are not in a relationship, they are missing out on some secret society and this in many ways affects their self-worth. These women began to believe; in the absence of a #MCM, their lives are incomplete. A very close friend often used to say “everyone is getting married,” then one day I challenged this false truth. I challenged her to make a complete list of her friends and associates, then break them up in groups of “married/engaged” and “unwed.” Once completed it was revealed that she only had two married friends compared to almost ten other unmarried girlfriends. She realized that she had more single friends than not, especially, when a single woman was defined as a woman who is not legally married. Her perception, “everyone is getting married” quickly changed and her perception of where she was in life too shifted. It is very important that women realize that the timing of their lives is very key. They must also learn contentment for their current status in life. For my single gems and gentleman, who are struggling to accept the single life, here are five benefits of being single.

1. Spiritual Foundation

This is a time to build your relationship with God. This is a time to build a personal relationship with the creator of the union you may eventually choose to join in, marriage. We each carry pains from past hurts, family units, and childhood memories. This is time to grow closer to the Lord and allow Him to heal your broken places, building you up for the inside out. We will never be perfect beings but we must be healthy ones, spiritually, emotionally and mentally, to function successfully in a healthy relationship.

2. Career

While you’re single, you are allotted time to build yourself. You have an unlimited amount of freedom to focus on your career and goals. This is time for you to establish personal security, security that benefits yourself and your future family. This time is for you to develop your God-given gifts,  identify your purpose in life, and thrive in that arena.

3. Financial Freedom

A great woman once said, “an incomparable woman, is one of beauty and substance, who bought the table.” I am that great woman. *giggles* It’s nothing like a woman who has her own. A woman who can bring her own to the table. During your single run, this is time to establish your financial foundation. Paying off as much debt as you can, building up one or two savings accounts and learning financial discipline. Save for yourself, your future and maybe even your wedding. You are also free to spend your money how you please! Take more than a few trips and buy the shoes in every color!

4. Self-Discovery

Imagine getting married, not knowing yourself and realizing years down the line who you are. Now imagine that you’re already married, finally discovering the “true you,” does not even like or match the person you decided to marry. How depressing because if you are like me, you aren’t an advocate of divorce. Singleness is a time to get to know yourself. Learn your likes, dislikes, non-negotiables, strengths, weaknesses, preferences in a spouse, hobbies, what makes you happy and the list goes on. This is a time for you to get to know yourself from the inside out. You must learn to enjoy being alone. If you don’t enjoy your company, how can you expect someone else to?

5. Dating

The finale! Once you get to know God and gain His wisdom, which will assist you in your mate selection process. Then establish your career and financial stability, and learn the truths about yourself. You are ready to date! This is the time to eliminate the real from the fraudulent. Find out what you like and refuse to accept from the opposite sex. Using all the wisdom you gained during the first four stages on your journey of singleness. This is the time to date one man if you’re courting or make friends with several men (in the absence of sex) to find out who is worth investing extended time into. Dating is somewhat of a lost art, people now commit to one person too fast and do not give themselves time to explore options. This is the time to do just that, explore ALL your options strategically. For example, if you’ve decided a God-fearing man is non-negotiable, would you take a date a man who doesn’t have a relationship with God or our Savior Jesus Christ, no. Enjoy this time and just have fun! The ultimate goal is marriage but marriage should not be an idol in your life.

It is three a.m. as I type this and a match.com commercial just came on my television. Of course. How can you guys enjoy your singleness, when the importance of relationships is highlighted all around you. I must again stress the importance of contentment. Use your free time wisely. Everyone who is single wants to be married and everyone who is married wants to be single. Contentment is key! Trust the timing of your life!

Until next time..

I wish you love and happiness.