Being single is hard. Trust me I know I’ve been embarking on this journey for the last three years. I use to think singleness would be difficult to endure due to external factors, for example, not having anyone to come to your rescue when you get a flat. Or someone to pick you up soup, when you’re sick or someone to put gas in your car on the coldest days of winter. It took time and counsel from God to realize I didn’t need a boyfriend but instead wanted a butler, God and I are still working on that. But seriously, you don’t know your own strength until you have no choice but to take care of yourself. I’ve learned in some many ways, simply how to take care of myself and get things done.
I now realize it is the internal factors that make singleness hard. The thoughts and emotions that you have to overcome, for example, “will I ever find true love”, “no one is going to love me”, “everyone is finding love but me” or feelings of loneliness or sadness. It doesn’t make it any easier that there are not many resources available for singles of this generation. Especially those outside of the once a month singles events at our churches. There are no events geared to us, especially Godly singles who aren’t necessarily looking to mingle all night or turn up every Friday. There are no safe places for us to go and chat with one another for encouragement or to just be free and happy in our singleness. I’ve been witness to a great deal of Godly singles falling and I believe it is partially due to the lack of community available to us.
I’d like to think I am a successful single or that I am navigating this single life successfully. I’ve actually learned to embrace this stage of my life. I have my days but for the most part I’ve found true joy in this season of my life. Although you wouldn’t catch me changing a tire, I now know how to. I shoveled my own drive way and sidewalks the winter of 2013 (won’t ever happen again) and every two weeks there’s a car wash on Central Avenue that gets a good twenty dollars from me.
One of my favorite parts of single-hood is the freedom; there’s no freedom like being able to move and go as you please or waking up at 2pm in the afternoon just because, well you can. I love to travel, most of the time last minute, and it’s so freeing to know I don’t have to check in with anyone or find a sitter for little ones. I’ve learned that there are seasons for everything in our lives (Ecclesiastes Chapter 3). We must enjoy the blessings of now, instead of clouding our today with worries of tomorrow (Matthew 6:34). For many of you marriage may be your biggest dream or your greatest desire and I get it, you may want to be married and you may want to have children but that time will come. Don’t compromise the blessings that God desires to lay before you now because you can’t overcome your emotions of loneliness or depression. I’ve been a single for three years and it is the God honest truth, that I’ve experienced more of God’s favor, miracles and blessings during these last three years, more than any other stages of my life. I believe that God showed Himself faithful to me because He wanted to get the glory out of my life and not share that credit with another man. God is funny like that, one of the reasons why I love Him.
If you’re a single waiting for the “one”, I want to encourage you to trust and have faith in God that He loves you and won’t let you down. He will exceed your expectations in courtship and marriage. If you’re a single and secretly unhappy in a relationship but you’re holding on just to say you have some “one”, counterfeits trump in comparison to THE ONE, God has plans for you. Take some time alone to find clarity from the Lord on what direction He desires to take your life and heart. In the meantime here are,
6 Ways to Strengthen You on Your Journey in Singlehood:
Remember that God Loves You: As singles I think one of our greatest desires is simple, to be loved. However, there is no greater love that we will experience than the love we receive from God. I know you’re probably thinking “well Deb I want a tangible love.” If you embrace the love of God wholeheartedly, I promise it’ll feel and be as real as the love you receive from a human being. God loves us so much, He even cares about the minuscule things in our lives, like a parking space. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve prayed for just a good parking space and God opened one up. God desires to love us and meet our needs but we have to let Him. I’ve experienced false representations of love in my life and I can honestly say God’s love is overwhelming, it’s the type of love you dream of drowning in. Even when you get married, you will not be able to love your spouse like God loves them and they will not be able to show you the earth shattering love that God offers you.
Romans 8:39 “No power in the sky above or in the earth below indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God”
Lean on Your Friends: Learn to spend time with your friends and family. Embrace the love that God has given you through those individuals. Learn to lean on your friends when you feel lonely or just want to spend time with someone. My girlfriends have made the best dinner and movie dates. Golfing is currently my new hobby and I discovered that love on an outing I organized with a couple of my single girlfriends. You don’t need a significant other to enjoy your life, just a few good girlfriends that hold some significance in your life.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 “So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing”
Seek God for Help: As a single you find yourself having to do everything by yourself. I’m sure my neighbors get a kick out of watching me carry ten groceries bags into the house, in one trip. In many ways we become our own superwomen. But sometimes it’s hard trying to navigate and figure things out by yourself. It’s nice simply having someone to consult with about minor and major life decisions. However, you are not alone and you don’t have to figure out everything by yourself. In the case of emergencies or everyday tasks I’ve learned to seek God for help. If you pray and wait for an answer, He assists. Even with parking spaces. God is available to help on all things but you also have to be confident in your own abilities. Try Him. God gives the play but you also have to execute it.
John 14:26 “The Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things”
Singlehood is a Time to Work Relentlessly: Focus your energy on the betterment of yourself. Focus your energy on doing work for the Lord. Within the three years that I’ve been single; I’ve written two books, started a business, traveled to new countries, read over thirty books, cleared debt and mostly importantly rededicated my life to Jesus Christ. Imagine what God can do in your life if you would completely surrender your time and life to Him. 1 Corinthians 7:34 should be the #1 rule in the rule book for singles. Singlehood is a time to focus on self, not finding the one. The seeds you plant now will benefit you, your spouse and children; whether good or bad. Remember nothing you do during this stage will be in vain.
1 Corinthians 7:34 “An unmarried woman is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world, how she can please her husband.”
God is All You Need: I cringe at Christian women who say “Jesus is my boyfriend.” Jesus is not my boyfriend but He is my Lord and Savior. I like to affectionately say that He is my brother from the same Father. Jesus is not my boyfriend but He is all I need and all you need. He is capable of meeting ALL your needs. With God you will never lack. It’s up to you if you trust that He is all you need and if you allow yourself to find peace and security in Him. It’s there for you, you just have to pursue it.
Philippians 4:6 -7 “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.”
Live One Day at a Time: Love will come. If God puts a desire in your heart it’s because it’s His will for your life. There are actually men and women who are not priests or nuns, who are not called to marriage. These people never desire to be married or desire to have sex and they are happy this way. So if marriage or sex is a desire in your heart, God has a mate already set aside specifically for you and what God promises to you is yours. Don’t let time discourage you. Worry about your today. Dream but don’t get too consumed in visions of tomorrow. Learn to live each day, one day at a time.
Matthew 6:34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”
Your day will come. Trust God and in the mean time, live your life to the fullest!! I am.
Until next time..
I wish you LOve and HAppiness…